Florida Man Wants to Marry His Porn-Filled Computer

True love

Bad news for Florida resident Chris Sevier. He’s been hoping to marry his computer…but so far, it’s not looking good.

Sevier originally filed the motion to intervene on the federal lawsuit that would allow Florida to recognize gay marriages performed in other states. In the motion, Sevier states that since gays can marry “even if they lack corresponding sexual parts,” then he should be able to marry his laptop, which he claims is his “preferred sexual object.” It’s also riddled with porn.

A little background on Chris: this all comes on the heels of him suing Apple for selling him that same laptop without adding a porn filter or warning him of the dangers of pornography. In that lawsuit, Sevier stated that he had never seen porn before, but accidentally happened upon it after mistyping “Facebook.com” into the search bar. Since then, he has developed a porno addiction that he says ruined his marriage. Luckily, it would appear that Chris has once again found true love…in the form of his Mac.

Sevier’s status with the Tennessee Bar Association was transferred to “disability inactive” status three years ago. You heard that right; he’s a former judge advocate…which might explain why he’s so obsessed with making a mockery of the law. His motion to marry his ‘puter was tossed out, and the judge referred to the whole thing as “removed from reality.”

I say he’s better off single. After all, if it didn’t work out between Chris and his computer, it could be a costly divorce. No word on whether he attempted to file a prenup.


Matt Fox

Senior Editor

Fox has history in broadcasting that spans two decades. From his early days as an FM host and club DJ in the mid-90′s to his later experiences in political talk radio, he has always had a knack for combining topical news with his love for popular culture. Those experiences culminated in his position as executive producer for several radio shows featured in the TALKERS Heavy 100. Originally from New York, Fox has made the great pilgrimage down to sunny south Florida.

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