Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid issued a statement pertaining to the growing scandal surrounding the Taliban for Traitor trade. It stated that Bowe Bergdahl was actually captured because of the Koch Brothers and now the scandal that threatens to utterly bring down the Obama Administration is being orchestrated by the evil duo.
In Harry’s world, it’s all Koch all the time. The statement goes on to allege that Koch Agents had actually infiltrated Bergdahl’s unit and were persecuting him for his faithful support of the president. The Koch Agents were acting as if they were actual soldiers, but Harry Reid stated that he has evidence to be produced at a later date to the contrary. These, so-called soldiers were actually trained agents of the spawn of hell, the Koch Brothers.
The Senator’s office claims to have surveillance footage of illegal black ops style Koch training sites. These sites brainwash people into believing in capitalism, the founding fathers, freedom, and the outdated idea of American Exceptionalism. It is alleged that these Koch operatives singled out Bergdahl for persecution and actually set up the entire fiasco. Another unseen document is said to be an email stating how the Koch operatives tricked Bergdahl into leaving his rifle behind and going out to pick some flowers for the barracks with only his knife and a journal.
Reid claims they convinced Bergdahl to dress like a Taliban fighter to blend in and leave behind his weapon and all signs of being an American soldier. He was then convinced to wander the countryside looking for flowers that don’t exist in that part of the world, much like sending someone ‘snipe hunting’ with a bag at night. Reid is outraged, “I’m sure they thought it was all very funny. What did they expect? You can’t send an honorable hero flower hunting in enemy territory and not think they’ll get captured. This whole thing rests squarely on the Koch Brothers’ heads.”
When asked why the Koch Brothers would go to such lengths to have an American captured by our enemies, Reid replied, “Go ask them, if the devil will let you see them!”
Senator Reid went on to add that, “President Obama is a hero and a strong leader. He bravely brought this persecuted man home. What difference does it make if we let some of those goofballs in Gitmo go? What difference does it make? One guy with a beard is just like any other guy with a beard. What do you have against beards anyway?”
Reid was pressed about his beard comments, and he said, “You know the Koch Brothers sell razors don’t you? That’s why they did this and why they hate Muslims, because they sell razors and these guys all have beards. Their bottom line is more important to them than an American prisoner!”
When asked if he thought Bergdahl was a traitor Senator Reid stood and tossed his microphone to the floor, “What are you, one of those Koch Brothers operatives? I’m out of here.” He was no longer available for comment.
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