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Eric Holder’s Mushy, Gooey Farewell Tour Begins

It only took six years, but we can finally announce that Stedman Graham is leaving the Obama administration…er, sorry. I meant Eric Holder. I always get the two of them confused. Anyway, if you were hoping for a swift exit after all of these years filled with outrageous scandals and controversies in the Justice Department, you’re sadly going to have to wait just a little longer. President Obama announced on Thursday, standing alongside his Attorney General, that Holder will remain in his position until a suitable replacement is found and confirmed — in other words, until Al Sharpton is satisfied. Quite honestly, I don’t know what the real holdup is. Obama could replace Holder with Elmer Fudd for all I care. Whomever the new A.G. is, he or she can’t possibly be more corrupt than the predecessor. Perhaps I shouldn’t say that.

Revisionist history as it relates to the rocky tenure of Mr. Holder has already begun (as we detailed for you on Thursday). But it was perhaps the words of Barack Obama himself that really went over the edge: “Bobby Kennedy once said, ‘On this generation of Americans falls the full burden of proving to the world that we really mean it when we say all men are created free and equal before the law. As one of the longest-serving Attorney Generals in American history, Eric Holder has borne that burden.”

As I choked on the last piece of my meal, I heard Obama proclaim that “this is bittersweet.” Kind of an odd word choice there, no? I can understand why the president would find the departure of Holder to be “bitter,” but I’d be quite intrigued to learn more about the “sweet” part. These two are long-time BFF’s, and I have to assume that Obama is secretly enraged that his buddy is abandoning him so late in the game. Then again, maybe there’s yet another brewing scandal that’s about to break and they’re trying to rush Holder out of town before the stuff hits the fan. We may never know exactly what happened here.

As younger men, Eric and I both studied law, and I chose him to serve as Attorney General because he believes, as I do, that justice is not just an abstract theory; it’s a living and breathing principle,” continued Obama. “That’s why I made him America’s lawyer, the people’s lawyer.”

I haven’t the foggiest idea about which “people” Obama is referring to, but he certainly wasn’t my lawyer. I’d rather be represented by the Texas attorney who slept through a trial and forgot his client’s name than Eric Holder.

Well, expect the sappy sendoffs to continue in the days ahead, as liberals continue to pretend like we’re saying goodbye to Eric of Nazareth. Personally, I’m much more looking forward to hearing what Congressman Louie Gohmert has to say to him. After all, once you’ve had aspersions cast on your asparagus, the love is gone.


Matt Fox

Senior Editor

Fox has history in broadcasting that spans two decades. From his early days as an FM host and club DJ in the mid-90′s to his later experiences in political talk radio, he has always had a knack for combining topical news with his love for popular culture. Those experiences culminated in his position as executive producer for several radio shows featured in the TALKERS Heavy 100. Originally from New York, Fox has made the great pilgrimage down to sunny south Florida.

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