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Terrible News: Darth Vader Denied the Right to Vote in Ukraine

Remember when we reported way back in April that Darth Vader was running to become Ukraine’s next president?

Well, you may have been wondering what old Darth has been up to since then…and finally, we have some news. On Sunday, Vader — whose campaign is still going strong — showed up at a Kiev polling station to cast his ballot, ostensibly for himself.

Shockingly, the leader of the Dark Side was denied the right to vote because he refused to remove his mask.

It’s an outrageous case of voter suppression if you ask me. Vader had clearly presented officials with his passport, which included his legally-changed name, “Darth Vader.” And everyone knows that removing his helmet would have most likely resulted in death, so really…how dare they?

Some might even go so far as to claim racism here, given Vader’s dark complexion.

Here is my face on the passport,” Vader explained. “Where does the law say that I have to take off my mask?” Sadly, his argument was not met with any degree of understanding from election workers. He promptly left the polling place to return to the motorcade blaring “The Imperial March” that brought him there.

Darth Alekseyevich Vader is a former electrician, and if elected, he promises to turn Ukraine into a “galactic empire.” Given the meddling with Ukraine we’ve seen by Russian President Vladimir Putin in recent months, it seems to me Vader should be the country’s only hope. As he himself once said, “The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force.”


Matt Fox

Senior Editor

Fox has history in broadcasting that spans two decades. From his early days as an FM host and club DJ in the mid-90′s to his later experiences in political talk radio, he has always had a knack for combining topical news with his love for popular culture. Those experiences culminated in his position as executive producer for several radio shows featured in the TALKERS Heavy 100. Originally from New York, Fox has made the great pilgrimage down to sunny south Florida.

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