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Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham Are Big Fat Liars

Amy Schumer is really angry. I am talking about someone who ate the last of my Chubby Hubby Ice cream angry. Amy is mad because Glamour magazine put the chubby comedian on their cover of their special edition, a “chic at any size issue” issue. The issue gives praise and props to plus-sized female celebrities. This caused Amy to be more steamed than a tray of Chinese pork dumplings; Amy insists she is only a size 6 and not the size 12 or greater that is considered “plus-size”.

Her blubbery buddy, Lena Dunham, has jumped into defend Amy. Lena, while holding a Big Mac and Island Mango Slurpee, announced at her press conference, “Women are not supposed to be categorized in this role, we are supposed to be just be allowed to exist. Amy is just standing up for women to not be labeled.”

As one of the leading Generals fighting the battle of the bulge and enemy of the Fat Acceptance groups I always wondered when we would reach this absurd point: plus-sized models or celebrities being peeved about being described or labeled plus-size. Dunham is actually calling for people like Amy and Ashley Graham (the 200 pound chubby who was stuffed on the cover of SI’s swimsuit issue) to not even be identified as plus-sized.  Boo hoo Hoo ladies……. actually more like Moo moo moo.

Donald Trump is leading the race to be the Republican nominee because America is tired of Political correctness and being lied to. My grandfather used to say if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck then it must be a duck.  Americans know that ISIS, illegal immigration and Muslim migration are the gravest dangers to our country. When PinocchiOBAMA tells us it is global warming and antifederalists we all know it is a lie. When fat girls tell us they are not fat? We know that is a lie as well.

What men need to know is the whole size clothing for women is a total scam. In the 1980’s , in order to accommodate fat ladies delusions and expanding girth, the U.S. Department of Commerce got rid of the uniformed sizing system and instead allowed for the new ego ( or is that really Eggo as in too many Eggo waffles) stroking sizes. Today’s size 6 is yesterday’s size 20. You always hear fat ladies say Marilyn Monroe was a size 12.

Marilyn was five foot six and weighed 118 pounds. She would be a size zero in today’s jeans and size two in most dresses. Marilyn had a size 22 waist to go with her D breasts; yummy. In the 1950’s the average female waist was 25 inches. Today, the average female waist size in this country is 34 inches!! Female waist sizes have inflated more than the price of gold.  When a plus-sized model starts talking about Marilyn just tell her she looks more like Marilyn Manson than Marilyn Monroe. I detest blubber blasphemy!

Amy Schumer is 170 pounds. She has a body fat percentage of close to 27 percent. Amy’s waist size is 29; 20 percent larger than the average female in the 50’s!!  Amy has 46 pounds of lard on her body; she needs to lose 23 pounds of that belly blubber to become a goddess. She is probably a size 14 or size 16 depending on the designer. Amy claims she is size 6 and shouldn’t be called Plus-size.  Next week Amy will claim she saw Big Foot and that Elvis is still alive. It is time for Amy to be honest and hit the stairs and drop the muffin.

Lena Dunham is only five foot two. She weighs 145 pounds. She has a bodyfat of 32 percent. Lena’s waist is 29 inches as well; 20 percent larger than the average female waist in the 1950’s.  She has 46 pounds of lard too (chubbies of a feather flock together).

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…it is a duck. Lena and Amy are both fat and need to lose weight if they want to be considered sexy. There I said what every American male with any testosterone left truly thinks. The majority of women agree with me as well; the only ones who don’t are almost certainly obese and plus-sized liars too.  I do agree with Amy on one thing: she shouldn’t be on the cover of any magazine UNTIL SHE LOSES that 23 pounds of lard. As a very wise man once said, “ NO CHUBBIES!”.


Michael Karolchyk

Michael Karolchyk is currently the CEO of Spartacus Strategies.Spartacus Strategies controls and operates the Personal training, branding and marketing of over 20 health clubs throughout the United States. Michael is the creator of Spartacus Strategies’ patented goddess program which has made more women SEXY goddesses than any other fitness program in the world.

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