“Green Burials”: Skip the Box, Save the Earth!

Will you become one with the ground when you pass on?

03.24.2014 | News | Matt Fox |

Environmentalism knows few boundaries, and now, the movement is extending to some people’s death wishes, with so-called “green burials.” The concept is a simple one: go green, skip the casket and the embalming process, and just have your body wrapped in a sheet and thrown into the ground. You’ll become one with the Earth instantly, instead of slowly decomposing in a traditional grave (and supposedly harming the environment with your box and funeral makeup). Apparently, we’ve been doing things wrong since the beginning of time.

The Historic Congressional Cemetery announced on Friday that it has now been certified as a “Hybrid Service Provider from the Green Burial Council”–whatever that means. According to the statement:

“Burial must take place in an eco-friendly container such as wicker casket or plain wooden box without hardware. Some individuals wish to be buried only clothed in a shroud, which the cemetery also allows as part of its new designation.”

So, are you ready to reserve your green plot now? Congressional Cemetery still has about 2,000 of them available, ranging in price anywhere from $4,000 to $8,000. Then again, if I was just going to be thrown naked into the ground, I probably wouldn’t bother to pay a thing. Just make sure to toss me in a warm place where there’s good music nearby.

On second thought, Greenies often like to point to “extreme weather events” as evidence of climate change–so what happens when an “extreme” event rips into the ground and sends all of these uncovered bodies flying into the air, ala Sharknado? Maybe, just maybe, this hasn’t been thought through well enough.

Box or no box? What say you? Comment below.

Matt Fox

Senior Editor

Fox has history in broadcasting that spans two decades. From his early days as an FM host and club DJ in the mid-90′s to his later experiences in political talk radio, he has always had a knack for combining topical news with his love for popular culture. Those experiences culminated in his position as executive producer for several radio shows featured in the TALKERS Heavy 100. Originally from New York, Fox has made the great pilgrimage down to sunny south Florida.

← Previous Story Review: “Muppets Most Wanted”

Next Story → March Madness #Barack-etology: Scandal Edition!