• Is That A Pistol In Your Vagina Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

    Cocked and Loaded

    Just another day in the news.

    A fine young lass from Tennessee was recently arrested for driving with a suspended license. No big deal, happens all the time. Right? Yes, but here’s where we take a left turn toward wacky-town. I hope when the girl started lying to the cop, it was something like this. “I’m sorry officer, I know I don’t have a driver’s license but I’m in desperate shape. I’m on my way to the sporting goods store. I need a new holster for my little pocket carry gun. For girls my age it’s so hard to find anything attractive. I’m sure you understand.” The officer would of course reply, “Ma’am, are you carrying right now?” She would bat her eyes and coyly reply, “Well yes. You want to see?”


    Shortly thereafter the officers discovered that little miss sneaky pants was carrying her pistol, in her vagina! True story, and fully loaded. That’s freaking crazy! Cocked and loaded takes on a whole new meaning with this chick. I want to know, was she hiding it from the cops or is this where she always carries? If she was hiding it, you know when she got pulled over she panicked and in a flash of brilliance she thought nobody will look in here! But if this is her normal place to carry I worry about her safety.

    I’ve been married 20 years this summer, and to a real woman who was born with a vagina. You have to clarify that in America now. Anyway, we’ve procreated four children. Vaginas can do amazing things. Two of those children are female. So, for a man, I have a pretty fair grasp of all things vagina. I just personally think the vagina is a poor choice to carry your weapon. First off you’ve got cleanliness issues, both for the gun and the gal. Vaginas are naturally warm and moist. That can only be damaging to a fine weapon. Also, gun oil may be a good metal lubricant, but it is probably a little harsh for intimate female parts.


    Next, access can be trickier than you think, especially in the dark! From what I’ve seen, both outer clothing and underwear are a hindrance to access. Going around with no pants/skirt/or underwear would help the situation, but could also cause problems. People might notice the nakedness. It could also be winter, what then cold kitty? I guess if she did walk around with nothing on from the waist down and a pistol in the pouch – would that technically be open carry? That is legal in many states.

    This method of carry could prove problematic as well during intimate moments. What if you forgot to remove your weapon? Things could end with a real bang so to speak. All kidding aside, I would think that it would be a female person’s right to put whatever she wants in her vagina. Haven’t feminists been dressing up like vaginas and fighting for vaginal rights for awhile now? Where is the outrage? This young lady’s vaginal freedom has been infringed. It actually gets worse.

    Young vagina packing girl was charged with introducing contraband (the gun) into a penal facility. Okay, stop laughing. At first, I thought that Tennessee apparently hates gay people. How narrow-minded. They actually think a vagina is a “Penile Facility”! The horror. A Tennessee vagina is legally called a facility in which to house a male penile organ. Then I realized penal meant jail not penis…apparently I have a one track mind when it comes to what should or shouldn’t be introduced into a vagina.

    I hope after this girl gets out of the pokey she gets herself a nice new leather holster! Only in America! Bang! Bang!

    S.C. Sherman

    Senior Editor

    Steve Sherman is an author, popular radio commentator, and former Iowa House candidate. His articles have appeared nationally in both print and online for Townhall, Human Events, Clash Daily, Washington Times, Washington Examiner, Red Alert Politics, Forbes, NRATV and others. All of his novels including his most recent tome, Lone Wolf Canyon, a modern day western that infuriates the left and all "Snowflakes," are available here.

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