• Clutch The Pearls, Tyra Banks Predicts Global Warming Will Make Hourglass Figures Disappear!

    I love Tyra Banks as the old school Supermodel that she is but when she puts crap like this article from the WSJ out in public, it makes my logical mind want to take a hostage.  And while she had several craptastic points my engineer brain wanted to destroy in epic fashion, there was one in particular that grabbed headlines in various articles: the possible disappearance of the hourglass figure.  She calls this out in a bullet point claiming global warming will threaten crops and as such make natural food scarce.

    Hourglass, curvy bodies will be the aspirational beauty standard, representing that those women have access to bounties of fulfilling yet healthy food, which means they are affluent.”

    The hourglass figure on the human female is as visually powerful as it is rare.  Comprising only about 8% of the female population, an hourglass figure has been scientifically proven to affect men’s brains as much as a hit of cocaine.  And in one of the largest size studies ever performed in the United States, it was determined that while black women are larger than the general population, the hourglass figure tends to occur with greater frequency. Women with hourglass figures usually have a waist that is at least seven (7) inches smaller than their hip measurements, shapely legs, hip measurement within four (4) inches of the bustline measurement and a waist-to-hip ratio of about .70.

    Let me disclose up front thatI do possess an hourglass figure.  At my lightest weight I still had that hourglass figure.  When I gained weight in life my hourglass figure expanded in size but my hip-to-waist ratio remained the same.  And when I lost weight guess what? I got smaller but kept my WTH ratio.  The limitations of body-sculpting exercise and/or plastic surgery aside, when an apple, pear or ruler shaped woman gains weight she becomes a fatter apple, pear or ruler.  And when she loses weight? I’m sure you guys can figure that out.   It follows logically that a change in a woman’s shape due to availability of food is linked to genetics, not the gospel of global warming and only for a very small percentage of women genetically blessed with an hourglass figure.

    So those of you who still subscribe to that science by consensus of global warming (which is *not* science nor a consensus), let not your heart be troubled.  Hourglass figures shall not perish from the earth though they shall remain harder to find among the women who inhabit it.

    And Tyra Banks needs to stick to producing television shows about cat-fighting aspiring models.

    Trish Williams

    Trish Williams is a former engineering major, who resides in Philadelphia. Trish is an avid reader, advocate for STEM education in schools, and a firearms enthusiast. She hopes to relocate to the coastal South for warmer weather and conservative political surroundings.

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