And now for the most morbidly sickening story since Keith Richards’ admission that he snorted his father’s ashes during a euphoric drug binge.

Two years ago, Shannon Thomas was doing his best to fulfill the last wishes of his late mother and spread her ashes at a location of her choosing in Puerto Rico. After a flight originating from Cleveland, Thomas emerged to discover a TSA “inspection notice” attached to his checked luggage. When he opened the bag, he found that the enclosed urn had been opened up and Mom’s ashes were, well…all over the place.

The TSA has strict guidelines for handling urns, and they are NOT allowed to be opened under any circumstances. If there are questions about the contents of an urn, it won’t be permitted on a flight in the first place. Clearly, someone wasn’t following the rules.

We’re not sure why it’s taken a full two years for the predictable lawsuit to come to fruition, but it’s finally here. Thomas is now suing TSA for $750,000 in damages, claiming “severe and persistent emotional distress and mental anguish” that he has suffered from the traumatic affair. He charges the TSA with “negligent infliction” of the aforementioned emotional distress, and is suing 10 agents in particular.

I feel for the guy, but good luck with that one. TSA has been inflicting “emotional distress” on average Americans for the past decade, and to date, most haven’t seen a penny from it.