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Surge Summary: The National Football League features three games on Turkey Day, plus a weekend full of more. Here are PP’s selections for winners and losers.
by Pigskin Pundit
What a week…. I got carved up worse than your Thanksgiving turkey. 5-9 is my worst week ever in nine years. I’ve been mashed, roasted, plucked and stuffed. And it’s not even Thursday! Well, I’m not alone in my culinary tribulations. Joe Burrow got chopped on Sunday, and there went our only reason to watch Cincinnati. Philly got pickled by an Ohio downpour, and are the worst division leaders in NFL history. Brady served up a turkey Monday night, and he will get stuffed back under Arians’ bus. The Patriots got squashed in Texas, Pittsburgh smoked the Jaguars, Carolina canned the Lions, the Colts poached a win from Green Bay, Tennessee tenderized the Ravens, and Denver filleted the Dolphins. Short week, so let’s get to it. Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!!
Texans at Lions – The Pats handed Houston a win last week by playing to the Texans’ strengths. Dumb. Carolina handed the Lyins a goose egg. Dumber. Houston’s D still sucks bad, but Deshaun Watson takes command of a game and bends it to his will. Detroit has nobody with that kind of cache or talent. Fresh Lion steaks are on the menu. Gravy?
WFT at Cowboys – Snyder’s Riders bring their game of ‘Quarterback Toss’ to Big D Thursday, after dispatching Joe Burrow for the year. This hapless matchup of two flumps from the NFC Least hangs on the aged arm of Alex ‘Lazarus’ Smith, who should find enough offense to win while his defense is haltin’ Dalton, who can barely pass the cranberry sauce, never mind the pigskin. WFT wins this turkey of a road game.
Ravens at Steelers – Baltimore needs to figure out who they are, or else other teams will define them down. This week they identify as losers again, as the Steel Hurtin’ remains closed for the holiday. You can Chase Claypool, but you can’t catch him. Unlike the wishbone today, the Steelers remain unbroken.
Dolphins at Jets – Tua got his old seat and clipboard back last week, for 30 minutes anyway. This week he gets his confidence back, as Miami thumps their old coach in Gotham. Gace has to face the disgrace of the race to replace his ace at QB. Darnold gets paroled in the offseason and a fresh start elsewhere. Miami’s favorite part of Thanksgiving this year is a nice hot roll…right over New York.
Cardinals at Patriots – 5 batted passes in one game…4 by JJ Watt alone last week. Cam didn’t lose the game for the Pats, the defense and stupid play-calling saw to that. Don’t see much changing this week, when Murray in a Hurry brings his ‘better than Lamar’ running/passing game and two of the league’s best receivers to Foxboro. This Thanksgiving week, the birds eat the Pilgrims.
Panthers at Vikings – The dang Vikings are so inconsistent it makes me scream. The Panthers pulled off a nice win blanking Detroit, without Bridgewater or McCaffrey. With Thielen out for Covid, all they really need to do is slow Cook down. Not an easy job, but Dallas managed, and they stink. This game is a flip of the coin, and the green bean casserole goes to…. the Panthers.
Browns at Jaguars – Cleveland is beating the teams they should beat, so this one should be no problem. I don’t think the Browns are as good as their record, but they are more than enough to thump the spots off the Jaguars. Kareem Hunts for the endzone, as Mayfield Bakes a road win in Jacksonville.
Titans at Colts – Game of the week, so buckle up! This is going to be a thrill ride as the division goes up for grabs faster than the candied yams. Tennessee showed deep character last week defeating the Ravens, while the Colts stiffened their spines and knocked off the Packers. If true to form, Phillip ‘Don’t Call Me Joan’ Rivers will choke at a big moment. If the game is close late, DeWreck Henry will decide it again by grinding down the Colt D. Tennessee tightens their hold on the AFC South.
Giants at Bengals – The Giants face the headless Tigers this week. It sucks to have Burrow gone, because we were all enjoying what he was doing. Joe Judges Cincinnati, and finds them guilty of mediocrity, as the Giants loom large in flyover country.
Chargers at Bills – Two hurling howitzers converge in western NY Sunday, so put your Sansabelt stretchy pants on, grab a slab of leftover pie, and sit & watch the fun. The Chargers aren’t going anywhere this year except back to draft with another top-5 pick, and Buffalo will help them get there by beating them like the whipped cream on that pie slice. Bomb appétit!
Raiders at Falcons – If you don’t appreciate how John Gruden has Las Vegas playing this year, you should. They ain’t ‘Lost Vegans’ anymore. They handed mighty KC their only loss this season, and narrowly missed getting both W’s from Reid’s Ringbearers on Sunday. Definitely a team on the rise, while Atlanta is a team mired in mediocrity and moribundity. The RefrigeRaiders put the chill on Falcon leftovers this Sunday.
Niners at Rams – ‘Ram Tough’ isn’t just for trucks anymore, as McVay’s Maulers strangled a road win out of Brady’s Bucs on MNF, to join Seattle atop the potent NFC West. While Seattle will certainly beat the beaks off the flapless Eagles Monday night, the Scrams should have little problem claim-jumping the 49ers this week to keep pace. Rams slam San Fran.
Saints at Broncos – Easy pick. Denver is a gamer, but the Saints answer to a ‘higher calling’. Haloes fly in Mile High, while the Broncs get bonked.
Chiefs at Buccaneers – This game is highly touted as a big matchup between Brady the legend and Mahomes the legend-in-the-making. After what I have seen from Tampa this season, my bet is on the team that plays like a team, and that is the Chiefs. Brady is still good, but his decision-making isn’t bulletproof anymore. There’s no cliff coming (Kellerman is an idiot), but rather a gradual decline in making those ‘gotta have’ throws after the 2-minute warning, down by 5. KC feasts on Buc leftovers from Monday night.
Bears at Packers – The .500 Bears head into cozy Lambeau Field Sunday night, and they’d better bring 500 bears if they want any chance at victory. The Pack will be loaded for Bear, coming off an overtime loss to the Colts in which Green Bay played well enough to win…almost. The Bears’ bye won’t help them, as GB says bye-bye, nice try. Pass the pie.
Seahawks at Eagles – Simple recipe. The Feebles forget how to fly, while Mr. Wilson shows Philly how to make turkey soup out of a dead carcass.
Have a great, safe holiday with family, and enjoy the games!
-PP (Nate Clark)
The views here are those of the author and not necessarily Daily Surge
Image: Adapted from: Dave Hogg from Royal Oak, MI, USA – That's Mr. Vick to you!, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2044389
Nathan Clark is a conservative commentator who resides with his wife in New Hampshire. He is passionate about preserving the vision of our nation’s Founders and advancing those tried and true principles deep into America’s future. His interests range broadly from flyfishing, cooking and shooting to pro sports, gardening, live music and fine-scale modeling.
Surge Summary: The National Football League features three games on Turkey Day, plus a weekend full of more. Here are PP’s selections for winners and losers.
by Pigskin PunditWhat a week…. I got carved up worse than your Thanksgiving turkey. 5-9 is my worst week ever in nine years. I’ve been mashed, roasted, plucked and stuffed. And it’s not even Thursday! Well, I’m not alone in my culinary tribulations. Joe Burrow got chopped on Sunday, and there went our only reason to watch Cincinnati. Philly got pickled by an Ohio downpour, and are the worst division leaders in NFL history. Brady served up a turkey Monday night, and he will get stuffed back under Arians’ bus. The Patriots got squashed in Texas, Pittsburgh smoked the Jaguars, Carolina canned the Lions, the Colts poached a win from Green Bay, Tennessee tenderized the Ravens, and Denver filleted the Dolphins. Short week, so let’s get to it. Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!!
Texans at Lions – The Pats handed Houston a win last week by playing to the Texans’ strengths. Dumb. Carolina handed the Lyins a goose egg. Dumber. Houston’s D still sucks bad, but Deshaun Watson takes command of a game and bends it to his will. Detroit has nobody with that kind of cache or talent. Fresh Lion steaks are on the menu. Gravy?
WFT at Cowboys – Snyder’s Riders bring their game of ‘Quarterback Toss’ to Big D Thursday, after dispatching Joe Burrow for the year. This hapless matchup of two flumps from the NFC Least hangs on the aged arm of Alex ‘Lazarus’ Smith, who should find enough offense to win while his defense is haltin’ Dalton, who can barely pass the cranberry sauce, never mind the pigskin. WFT wins this turkey of a road game.
Ravens at Steelers – Baltimore needs to figure out who they are, or else other teams will define them down. This week they identify as losers again, as the Steel Hurtin’ remains closed for the holiday. You can Chase Claypool, but you can’t catch him. Unlike the wishbone today, the Steelers remain unbroken.
Dolphins at Jets – Tua got his old seat and clipboard back last week, for 30 minutes anyway. This week he gets his confidence back, as Miami thumps their old coach in Gotham. Gace has to face the disgrace of the race to replace his ace at QB. Darnold gets paroled in the offseason and a fresh start elsewhere. Miami’s favorite part of Thanksgiving this year is a nice hot roll…right over New York.Cardinals at Patriots – 5 batted passes in one game…4 by JJ Watt alone last week. Cam didn’t lose the game for the Pats, the defense and stupid play-calling saw to that. Don’t see much changing this week, when Murray in a Hurry brings his ‘better than Lamar’ running/passing game and two of the league’s best receivers to Foxboro. This Thanksgiving week, the birds eat the Pilgrims.
Panthers at Vikings – The dang Vikings are so inconsistent it makes me scream. The Panthers pulled off a nice win blanking Detroit, without Bridgewater or McCaffrey. With Thielen out for Covid, all they really need to do is slow Cook down. Not an easy job, but Dallas managed, and they stink. This game is a flip of the coin, and the green bean casserole goes to…. the Panthers.
Browns at Jaguars – Cleveland is beating the teams they should beat, so this one should be no problem. I don’t think the Browns are as good as their record, but they are more than enough to thump the spots off the Jaguars. Kareem Hunts for the endzone, as Mayfield Bakes a road win in Jacksonville.
Titans at Colts – Game of the week, so buckle up! This is going to be a thrill ride as the division goes up for grabs faster than the candied yams. Tennessee showed deep character last week defeating the Ravens, while the Colts stiffened their spines and knocked off the Packers. If true to form, Phillip ‘Don’t Call Me Joan’ Rivers will choke at a big moment. If the game is close late, DeWreck Henry will decide it again by grinding down the Colt D. Tennessee tightens their hold on the AFC South.
Giants at Bengals – The Giants face the headless Tigers this week. It sucks to have Burrow gone, because we were all enjoying what he was doing. Joe Judges Cincinnati, and finds them guilty of mediocrity, as the Giants loom large in flyover country.Chargers at Bills – Two hurling howitzers converge in western NY Sunday, so put your Sansabelt stretchy pants on, grab a slab of leftover pie, and sit & watch the fun. The Chargers aren’t going anywhere this year except back to draft with another top-5 pick, and Buffalo will help them get there by beating them like the whipped cream on that pie slice. Bomb appétit!
Raiders at Falcons – If you don’t appreciate how John Gruden has Las Vegas playing this year, you should. They ain’t ‘Lost Vegans’ anymore. They handed mighty KC their only loss this season, and narrowly missed getting both W’s from Reid’s Ringbearers on Sunday. Definitely a team on the rise, while Atlanta is a team mired in mediocrity and moribundity. The RefrigeRaiders put the chill on Falcon leftovers this Sunday.
Niners at Rams – ‘Ram Tough’ isn’t just for trucks anymore, as McVay’s Maulers strangled a road win out of Brady’s Bucs on MNF, to join Seattle atop the potent NFC West. While Seattle will certainly beat the beaks off the flapless Eagles Monday night, the Scrams should have little problem claim-jumping the 49ers this week to keep pace. Rams slam San Fran.
Saints at Broncos – Easy pick. Denver is a gamer, but the Saints answer to a ‘higher calling’. Haloes fly in Mile High, while the Broncs get bonked.
Chiefs at Buccaneers – This game is highly touted as a big matchup between Brady the legend and Mahomes the legend-in-the-making. After what I have seen from Tampa this season, my bet is on the team that plays like a team, and that is the Chiefs. Brady is still good, but his decision-making isn’t bulletproof anymore. There’s no cliff coming (Kellerman is an idiot), but rather a gradual decline in making those ‘gotta have’ throws after the 2-minute warning, down by 5. KC feasts on Buc leftovers from Monday night.Bears at Packers – The .500 Bears head into cozy Lambeau Field Sunday night, and they’d better bring 500 bears if they want any chance at victory. The Pack will be loaded for Bear, coming off an overtime loss to the Colts in which Green Bay played well enough to win…almost. The Bears’ bye won’t help them, as GB says bye-bye, nice try. Pass the pie.
Seahawks at Eagles – Simple recipe. The Feebles forget how to fly, while Mr. Wilson shows Philly how to make turkey soup out of a dead carcass.
Have a great, safe holiday with family, and enjoy the games!
-PP (Nate Clark)
The views here are those of the author and not necessarily Daily SurgeImage: Adapted from: Dave Hogg from Royal Oak, MI, USA – That's Mr. Vick to you!, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2044389
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